The other day, a source I had interviewed for a previous column asked to see the final piece. I responded, “It hasn’t been published yet; I will share once it is posted!”
Did I need the exclamation point? I couldn’t imagine responding without one. I was worried about coming off as too assertive.
These days, the exclamation point is standard procedure to assure others you are a good person. Exclamation points protect us from seeming disagreeable: Everything is good! No worries! When we don’t use it — or heaven forbid, use a period — it could be interpreted as hostility. The horror.
“I would think (texting with periods) is weird,” mechanical engineering junior Britney Hoang said. “I would be like, ‘Oh, okay, this is a little serious.’”
Overusing the exclamation point reflects an expectation to express friendliness, politeness and excitement, even when it is not warranted. This expectation perpetuates a culture of toxic positivity and insincerity, but it also feeds the monster that birthed it: the need to people-please.
Punctuation’s meaning has changed with the rise of digital communication. Our writing has become more conversational, and what used to signal grammatical correctness now conveys tone, mood and emotion. Punctuation is the new “body language” of communication.
The stakes of punctuation are high — one mark could change how someone perceives you — but our anxiety has heightened them. Growing up in the social media age has led our generation to fear being disliked and develop an addiction to being validated.
“Our emotions are very easily controlled by others, a lot of whom we don’t even know, and that’s a really dangerous thing to develop your perception of yourself based on the responses of people who don’t actually even know you,” said Arden Dana, a licensed social worker and therapist.
On social media, being perceived as controversial is punished, while being positive is celebrated, no matter how unrealistic or fake. Being inauthentic is seemingly better than being controversial, if it means keeping the other person happy.
“(Generation Z does) not like to be responsible for making other people feel bad,” Dana said. “That’s just a no-no. There are certain people who do that, and they are labeled trolls.”
The expectation of constant positivity, combined with our fear of contradiction, causes turmoil in interpreting and writing online messages. We don’t want to be assertive or the facilitator of disagreement, but we also struggle to receive any hint of contradiction.
Can we relax our expectations and just accept authenticity? Being fake is exhausting, and failing to perform enthusiasm is not the end of the world. In fact, conflict — and the ability to resolve it — can strengthen our relationships. We are not obligated to be nice and friendly all the time. We have neutral feelings, bad feelings and we are allowed to express them.
Coppa is a journalism sophomore from Charlotte, North Carolina.
